


Deathbeds

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Ending, Child Abuse, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depressed Luke, Drug Use, Heaven, Hell, Homophobia, Hospitals, I'm Going to Hell, I'm very sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lots of Angst, Love, Love With A Bad Ending, Luke!runaway, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Hospitals, Michael and Calum arent in this, My First Work in This Fandom, No Fluff, Rotten Love, Sad Ashton, Sad Ending, Suicide, Violence, attempted suicide, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-03-18 02:52:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke runs away from his abusive dad and meets Ashton. Ashton is just a sad kid who can't say no to the incredibly attractive blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. Luke is very depressed and homophobic and he starts to fall for Ashton, but he goes into denial and both boys are led down a very dark path upon meeting the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eyes Like A Car Crash

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off the BMTH song, Deathbeds. Pls don't hate me for writing something as horrible as this, I hate myself, too. I'msuper sorry in advance, but I'm not gonna give away any spoilers because I might decide to change my mind. Enjoy the first chapter (or not, you're allowed to hate it...ALL of it, really)!

Luke curls tighter in on himself when he feels someone touch his shoulder lightly. He whimpers, afraid the person will try and hurt him more than he’s already hurt, but the person makes a soothing noise, wrapping their strong arms around Luke and hoisting him up in their arms. Luke is still afraid, burying his face in the ratty blanket that a sympathetic passerby gave him almost a year ago.  
     
“I’m not going to hurt you, kid,” the person says, and the voice is male. Young, too. This realization that it’s someone Luke’s age calms him, but he’s still very tense.  
     
When the boy stops to pull out his car keys from his back pocket, Luke considers jumping out of his arms and running away, but dismisses this idea when he knows he barely has the energy to live anymore. Luke hears the ding of the car, and the unlocking of the doors. The boy carrying him shifts Luke’s body to his other leg in order to pull the car door open and put Luke inside gently. Luke whimpers again, pushing his face into the leather of the car seat and wishing he could just disappear from the world.

“I’m gonna help you, ok?” The boy says, climbing into the drivers seat and starting the car.

“I promise,” are the last words Luke hears before he passes out.

                                                                                            ~~~

“Who… Who is he?” A tentative voice asks quietly.

“Don’t know. Just some kid I found off the street. He’s your age, and, I don’t know, I couldn’t just leave him out in the rain,” the boys voice from before says.

“Is… Is he hurt or anything?”

“Yeah, he was bleeding when I found him. But you’ve run out of bandages, so I’m gonna have to leave for a bit and get some. Are you comfortable watching him while I’m out? I’ll only be, like, five minutes maybe?”

“Um, yeah, I guess I can handle him. He’s just sleeping right?”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine. Just, if he wakes up don’t touch him or anything. It was bad enough when I was carrying him, he was shaking really badly and all his muscles felt really tight. I assume he’s just scared of people, being the state he was in when I found him.”

“Yeah, yeah, ok. Now go, I don’t want him bleeding out on my bed.”

There are a few more whispers exchanged that Luke can’t hear, and then he hears the shutting of a door.

                                                                                            ~~~

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” Andrew sneers, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his hand. Luke’s brothers and mum left a long time ago because they’d all had enough of Andrew, but Luke’s father still managed to fight for custody of one child: Luke. Luke was left alone with his alcoholic father and he hates that he can’t do anything to get away, but that means that he’d only take more damage the next time than he normally would, and Luke can’t deal with that. Hell, he can barely deal with _any_  of this.

“Answer me when I ask you a question!” Andrew shouts, chucking the now empty bottle as Luke’s head. Luckily this time, Luke manages to duck before the bottle comes in contact with him.

“Yes, I know,” Luke says quietly.

“Know what?” Andrew questions, standing up from the couch to approach Luke’s quivering body.

“I know I’m a p-piece of sh-shit,” Luke says, sniffling and trying to keep from bursting into tears.

“Hell right you are,” Andrew snaps, his hand flying out to slap Luke across the face. Luke cries out in pain, stepping back and holding a hand to his cheek.

“I can’t believe I gave birth to a _disgrace_  like you!” Andrew screams, pouncing on Luke and forcing him roughly to the ground. Andrew lands punch after punch to Luke’s delicate face, and at one point he remembers hearing a sharp crack and a blinding pain erupted from where his nose is. Luke can feel the warm heat of his blood as it flows out of his now broken nose and onto his face.  
     
Andrew stops abruptly them, afraid he went too far and someone will notice how he’s beating his own son. He climbs off of Luke, grabbing another beer bottle quickly from the fridge and retreating to his room, leaving Luke lying with a broken nose and a broken soul to roll in his own blood as it keeps flowing from his nose.

Luke lets out a broken sob, standing up and walking quietly into the kitchen. He grabs a rag and pours some water on it, pressing it to his nose to try and stop the bleeding. When it does, Luke get’s an icepack from the freezer and presses it to his nose, tiptoeing upstairs and into his room where he falls apart onto his bed, sobbing so hard into his mattress that the whole bed shakes.

                                                                                            ~~~

Luke’s entire body is sent into a frenzy in an attempt to escape from an enemy that isn’t there. He can feel his limbs shaking as he lashes out at something that isn’t there, until he feels himself falling. It’s only then that he’s fully awake.

He hits the floor with a thud, groaning as pain shoots through his chest from his still healing ribs, but he stands quickly, panting as he backs up against a wall. His eyes dart around the room frantically, and he starts to panic even more when he recognizes nothing. This shouldn’t surprise him; he’s been sleeping in places he didn’t recognize for many days now, but this is a _home_. A house is way too different than street corners and back alleys, and it unnerves him. Then his eyes land on the frightened boy sitting on the bed across from him.

They lock eyes for a long time, and it’s like Luke is in a car crash without a seatbelt to hold him. He feels like he’s just at the mercy of gravity as the car tumbles and rolls around, throwing Luke violently into the seats and the windows and the steering wheel and out the front windshield and into the air.

The boy Luke sees, staring wide-eyed and looking like a frightened puppy, with green, gold, and brown eyes mixed all into one, and super straight, shiny blond hair that falls into his eyes. His pink lips are impossibly full, and slightly parted, and Luke just wants to rush over and kiss them. Luke cries a little when he thinks this, shoving the thought away so hard he thinks he could’ve fractured his skull.

“Are… Are you ok?” The blond boy says, looking very concerned and worried and _scared_ , and it **frightens** Luke.

“N-no,” Luke stammers out, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. He pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his face in between, fighting and not succeeding to keep his tears inside.

It’s silent for quite awhile in the small room, until Luke faintly hears a soft voice whisper, “I’m sorry.”

Luke isn’t.


	2. Don't Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton finds he can't keep his eyes off of Luke, but he forces himself not to in an attempt at denying his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how hard this was writing, like, I almost broke down a few times

_Ashton's POV:_

Ashton feels almost like he’s falling through the ground but flying through the ceiling as he stares at the boy backing away from him. He wants to get up, to just embrace the scared lad, but Will specifically told Ashton that he mustn’t do that, for fear of frightening the boy more than he already is. So Ashton just stares, wishing he could help but knowing he can’t.  
  
The boy looks younger than Ashton by about a year, but he’s taller, and dangerously skinny for someone his age. It makes Ashton feel bad for starving himself just because he sees himself as fat even though he knows he’s not, but this boy is so much _worse_ , and Ashton swears to himself in that moment that he’ll stop, even if it’s for a homeless boy he barely just met.   
  
The boy is breathing heavily, and Ashton wishes he knew a way to help him but he doesn’t and he can’t do a thing about it and he feels suddenly _guilty_ for not being able to help the boy.  
  
So instead he asks, “Are… Are you ok?”  
  
The small, “N-no,” he receives in response does nothing to lighten up the heavy feeling in the room. The tension is so thick and dense, Ashton thinks he could go to the kitchen and get a butter knife and just slice a hole in reality.  
  
The boy slides down the wall, sitting on the floor and burying his face between his knees, and Ashton can hear him sobbing quietly. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way, he shouldn’t feel so bad and so upset for this one boy, but Ashton finds that it’s impossible he _can’t_. He can’t just look away, pretend the blond haired boy with blue eyes isn’t there. He just **can’t** , and it feels almost suffocating, the things he’s feeling towards the boy.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Ashton whispers, speaking no louder for fear his voice will break and he will follow.   
  
And when a sob escapes from the broken boy on the floor, Ashton knows he doesn’t believe him.   
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  


 _Will's POV_ :

Will walks through the door of Ashton’s bedroom, and find a passed out Luke curled up in a ball in the corner, and no Ashton. Will thinks he knows where Ashton is, though, when he tries to go into Ashton’s bathroom, and finds it locked.   
  
“C’mon, Ash! Don’t… Don’t get sad, it’s just a kid! C’mon, I got the bandages to fix ‘im up!” Will says through the door, twisting the knob.  
  
Will keeps trying to open the door, and he almost falls flat on his face when Ashton opens the door, very clear tear tracks running down his sunken face and blood on his fingers.   
  
“You’re gonna have to fix me up, too, then,” Ashton mutters, looking at his shoes and avoiding Will’s angry expression, but sad eyes.  
  
“Fine, then. But you’ll have to wait until I’m done with him, I think he’s in worse condition than you are,” Will snaps, frustrated. He instantly feels bad when Ashton’s expression becomes even more sad, but freezes over instantly to look like stone. It scares Will about as much as it scared Ashton, and Ashton ends up running past Will and out into the hallway. Will sighs, and walks over to the unconscious boy in the corner.  
  
“Hey, kid,” Will says soothingly, trying to shake the kid awake to no avail. Will gives up trying to wake him up, just figuring that if he’s awake it’ll be harder to get the bandages on his wrists.  
  
Will grabs one of the kids wrists and pulls the sleeve down, revealing dirty, jagged cuts up and down his arm. Will almost throws up, and he’s pretty sure the cuts are infected. He decides that he should probably wash off the kids arms first before he does anything, and goes into the bathroom to get a wet rag. Will comes back and finds the boy awake.  
  
“Hey, how you doin?” Will asks casually, like he’s totally oblivious to the fact that the kid has possibly infected gashes on both his arms.  
  
“Where am I?” The kid asks, widened blue eyes scanning the room quickly.  
  
“Sydney, Australia.”  
  
The kids eyes widen even more if that’s possible, and he looks more frightened as he struggles to catch his breath. “I was trying to get away from there,” the kid mutters, pressing back into the wall.  
  
“Um, can I help you with the wounds on your arms?” Will says, not knowing what to say to calm the boy. He just whimpers, but makes no protest as Will approaches and takes his hand, holding out his arm. Will pushes the sleeves of the boys jumper again, and he winces.   
  
“Ow,” the younger boy whines.  
  
“I know it hurts. Just, let me clean it up and we’ll see if you should go to a hospital or not,” Will says, grabbing the damp cloth and pressing it to the damaged, pale skin lightly.  
  
“No hospital,” the boy mutters, shaking his head.  
  
“Hey—”  
  
“ _I said no hospital_ ,” the kid says, his voice more fearful than demanding.  
  
“O-ok, fine,” Will relents, still attempting to clean the cuts. “But if it gets really bad, I don’t care if you’re scared or not, I’m taking you to a doctor. Ok?”  
  
“But—”  
  
“Butts are for sitting, ok?”  
  
The blond boy hesitates before answering. “S-sure,” he stammers, wincing again as Will presses on the cuts a little harder.   
  
“This is going to hurt, but these need to get clean. Just don’t move or I’ll do something and make them worse.”  
  
The boy nods, letting Will patch up his wounds even though the physical makes him feel like he’s gonna throw up. When Will’s done, he stands on his feet.  
  
“You can’t stay with me because I don’t have any extra rooms so you’ll be living here with Ashton and his family. I know this is weird, but we’re just trying to get you back on your feet again, and you can leave at any time if you want. But please promise me you won’t until they heal, ok?” Will tells the boy. He nods hesitantly, knowing he has no other option in the matter right now.  
  
“Is Ashton the boy I met earlier?” he asks, looking down at his feet and willing himself not to blush at the mental image of the pretty boy.  
  
“Yeah. Um, he ran off a bit ago, but I’ll go see if I can find him. Wanna come with me?” Will asks, reaching to touch the boys shoulder. He flinches and steps back slightly.  
  
“Sorry, forgot you didn’t like being touched. Hey, what’s your name anyway?” Will asks.  
  
“I’m Luke,” the boy says quietly, like he didn’t want to tell Will in the first place.  
  
“Well, Luke, you can stay here if you want, but I thought it would make you more comfortable if you got to see the rest of the house.”  
  
Luke bites his lip, looking incredibly nervous, but he nods regardless.   
  
Will nods, walking over to the door and beckoning Luke to follow. Luke reluctantly does, and he doesn’t know why.  
  
                                                                                       ~~~  
  


_Ashton's POV:_

“Hey, Ash. Um, I’m sorry for snapping at you—” Will starts, but Ashton cuts him off.  
  
“It’s fine, mate. Are you done with him yet, then?” Ashton asks, dismissing the subject of what happened earlier.  
  
“Um, yeah, he’s right behind me,” Will says.  
  
Ashton twists around from his spot on the couch, strangely eager to see the younger boy in better light.   
  
“His name’s Luke.”  
  
Ashton knows he should probably get up, go greet the lad, but he stays glued in place, staring at the boy named Luke with wide eyes.  
  
Ashton couldn’t see him well before, in the dim light of his room, but know everything feels like it’s in high definition. Ashton can see the smoothness of his skin, the pink of his lips, and the blue of his eyes. He notices the lip ring, and finds himself thinking it’s extremely hot, but stops that train of thought quickly in its tracks. Ashton can only describe the boy as nothing less than _beautiful._  
  
Ashton can feel the heat rising up into his cheeks, and he quickly looks away. There’s a mental image of Luke in his head, though, and it’s like he had it tattooed on the underside of his eyelids, because that’s all he sees when he blinks is just _Luke._  
  
Ashton jumps up from the couch, feeling anxious with Will’s eyes boring into him. “Are you hungry, Luke? I, um, can make some, um, lunch, yeah?” Ashton asks nervously, mentally kicking himself for stammering.  
  
“Um, no, I’m not very h-hungry, thank y-you,” Luke says, and his stammering is worse than Ashton’s.  
  
“Are you sure? I mean, you look like a skeleton,” Will says. He’s obviously concerned and he said it out of good heart, but he misses the hurt look that flashes across Luke’s face when he compares him to a skeleton.  
  
Ashton reaches out, grabbing the taller boys wrist despite Will telling him not to touch him, and pulls him into the kitchen, away from Will’s view.   
  
“Sorry ‘bout him. He has no filter, I swear to God,” Ashton says playfully, letting go of Luke and going over to the refrigerator and looking in.  
  
“Um, it’s-it’s ok,” Luke says, his stammering getting worse minute by minute.   
  
“Um, do you like turkey, er, ham?” Ashton asks, pulling out the packs of cold cuts, going to the bread box to get some slices of bread to make sandwiches.  
  
“I said I’m not really hungry,” Luke insists.  
  
“Bullshit, ok? You’re eating, no exceptions, ok?” Ashton says. He feels more like a mum than ever.  
  
“But—”  
  
“No buts. I’m going to the trouble to make you a sandwich, and you will eat it,” Ashton insists. He knows he’s being pushy, but he’s not gonna let Luke suffer. Not someone this beautiful. He’s gonna help Luke get back to his original glory.  
  
Luke whines, but relents, taking a tiny nibble at the turkey sandwich Ashton made for both of them.  
  
“You don’t have to eat all of it, ok? Just a little,” Ashton says, noting how uncomfortable Luke seems while he eats. Luke nods gratefully.   
  
In the end, Luke ends up only taking about one bite before putting the food down. Ashton feels sad because this beautiful boy feels the need to do this to himself. He has no reason to, and neither does Ashton. He realizes that now. Hell, he just met Luke and he’s already helping him.  
  
As Ashton keeps eating, forcing himself to even though his anorexic brain says no, because he wants to set an example for Luke. And as Ashton eats, he finds his eyes wandering again and again to the blond boy with pretty blue eyes like the sky. Ashton just can’t stop looking at him, _admiring_ him even, but he forces his gaze away. He knows he shouldn’t be thinking these things, shouldn’t be feeling them. Everyone around him thinks he’s straight, and he’s convinced himself of that, too.   
  
So why can’t he stop staring at Luke?  
  
Ashton doesn’t know.  
  
So he looks away.


	3. Don't Turn Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke openly avoids Ashton at all costs, but it affects Ashton more than he anticipated.

_Luke's POV:_

 

Luke is alarmed by Ashton, to say the least. It’s not that he doesn’t like the boy. No, no, he likes him a little bit  _too_ much, and it  _scares_  Luke. Absolutely  **terrifies** him. So he makes a vow to himself that first day to avoid Ashton as much as he can, to avoid hurting both of them.

This proves difficult, though, considering Luke is a guest in Ashton’s house (maybe permanently, he doesn’t know), and his family has already practically  _adopted_  him. Ashton’s mum treats Luke more of a son than she does  _Ashton_ , and it kind of offends him. Luke can see with his own eyes the very sad and just  _hurt_  expression that crosses Ashton’s face every time his mum asks Luke how his day was, or how his arms are, or if his cuts are healing nicely.

What Ashton’s mum doesn’t see is that Ashton is probably in worse of a state than Luke. She doesn’t notice the occasional times when she grabs his wrist to scold him when he does something wrong, that a little drop of blood leaks from the cuts that Luke knows are there and lands on the wood floor. She doesn’t hear him sometimes sobbing through the bathroom door late at night when everyone is sleeping. She doesn’t notice how he barely eats—although he’s getting more and more better with that everyday, and Luke is grateful.

And Luke doesn’t want to salt the wound, so he stays away as much as he can.

~~~

“Do you think you’ll be comfortable going back to school, Luke? You can make some new friends,” Anne says, looking up from her dinner plate to look at Luke. He’s barely touched his spaghetti, but of course she doesn’t know that.

“I don’t want friends, thank you,” Luke says politely, forcing a small smile to ease the tension.

“Oh, but you could at least get an education. That’s very important, you know,” Anne continues. Luke is suddenly very uncomfortable.

Going to school would mean seeing Ashton more than he has to, and even now he doesn’t want to at all.

“Um, I don’t… I’m not com—” Luke starts, trying not to seem so nervous and evading, but Anne interrupts him quickly.

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun! It’ll cheer you up, plus, having a good education is very important,” Anne says, smiling, but when Luke looks up to look her in the eye, he’s scared of what he sees. Her eyes are cold, and he knows it’s no use arguing or else he’ll anger her. Angering Anne is like committing suicide, and though Luke would love to die right now, he knows he can’t let Ashton see that. He can’t traumatize the boy with what he’s already going through.

Luke nods, reluctantly agreeing. A new, heavier tension settles over them all in that moment, and Luke feels smaller than ever.

After dinner, Luke volunteers to wash the dishes, knowing after what just went on that Ashton will want to retreat to his room. Lauren offers to help (did Luke forget to mention that Ashton has two younger siblings, Lauren and Harry?) but Luke politely declines, telling Lauren that she should probably go finish her homework. She gives Luke a weird look, but does as he suggests, going up to her room to do whatever. 

Ashton disappears although Luke doesn’t remember seeing him run up the steps to their shared bedroom. Luke shrugs, gathering up the plates from the table into his hands and carrying them into the kitchen. He stops in his tracks, though, (almost dropping the plates, too) when he sees Ashton at the sink.

“Um, I can do the dishes for tonight,” Luke says awkwardly, not moving from his spot in the middle of the kitchen.

“We can do them together then. I don’t wanna be alone right now,” Ashton says, looking at Luke and forcing Luke to look away.

“Um, I don’t know, can’t you just play with Harry or help Lauren with her homework?” Luke asks. He’s not trying to be rude, he just wants to save both of them from getting hurt.

“What? You don’t like me or something? Need I remind I took you into my  _home_ , and now you’re just going to  _ignore_  me? Do you realise how much of a jerk you’ve been?” Ashton says, walking over to Luke and looking up at him. Luke can’t look away this time.

“It’s not that I don’t like you—”

“Then what is it then? Because, honestly, I have the complete right to tell you to get out it you’re going to be a problem,” Ashton threatens.

“Y-you can’t do that,” Luke says.

“Oh really? What makes you say that?”

Luke corrects himself then. “You  _won’t_  do that. You’re too nice,” Luke says, and he knows he’s right when Ashton’s expression changes from angry to surprised.

Ashton turns away from Luke then, walking out the kitchen door.

Why does Luke feel like he just made the biggest mistake of his life?

 


	4. Body Like A Whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton and Luke get in two fight in one day, and both emotional and physical damage is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so sorry for the super long wait, but I've had a really long weekend and I was really busy and stuff and this chapter was really hard to write and I almost wanted to break down a few times, pls forgive me!

_Ashton's POV for the duration of the chapter:_

Ashton didn’t know what it was, but he just felt _furious_ at Luke. He didn’t know why, he could understand why he was afraid of people, but he didn’t expect him to act so _rude_ about it. Maybe Ashton is just overreacting, he doesn’t know. It’s not like Luke is ruining Ashton’s life. In fact, Luke is unknowingly _helping_ Ashton, and Ashton knows that but he wish he didn’t because his and Luke’s argument wouldn’t affect him as much as it did.  
  
It was even worse when Ashton’s mum made Luke enroll in the same school as him. She’d probably tell Luke to stay close to Ashton so he wouldn’t get lost, and Ashton _hated_ the fact that he would get to see the boy everyday all day. School used to be a place where Luke _wasn’t_ , and Ashton wasn’t ashamed to think about Luke there, but now he can’t and it’s almost _foreboding_. It’s like Luke is some kind of cloud (raincloud or not, Ashton hasn’t decided yet) that always finds a way to get into Ashton’s life and have an impact. Good or bad, it all depends.  
  
The first day went _horribly_ , and even now Ashton’s scared to just _remember_. He wishes it was all just a dream, but the sad truth is that it wasn’t.  
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
“Alright you two. Luke, I know you’re slightly younger than Ashton, but stick close to him when you can, okay? Don’t want you getting lost on your first day back out into the world,” Anne says, sounding like a mother speaking to her five year old on their first day of school. Ashton rolls his eyes.  
  
“C’mon, we’re gonna be late for the bell, mum,” Ashton says, just wanting to get away.   
  
“Oh, Ashton, it doesn’t ring for another ten minutes,” Anne says innocently.  
  
“Yes, but it takes ten minutes to walk there,” Ashton states.  
  
“Don’t be pushy, Ashton.”  
  
“I’m not being pushy, mum—”  
  
“Don’t whine at me like that,” Anne snaps, grabbing Ashton’s wrist harshly and pulling him closer to her. Ashton whimpers, a stinging sensation spreading across his wrist where his fresh cuts from last night are.  
  
“Okay, okay mum, just let us go to school,” Ashton pleads, trying to shake her grip off, but she only presses harder, and Ashton’s sure now that at least one of the cuts has opened.  
  
“Promise me you’ll be good,” Anne says, sounding like a worried mother, but Ashton knows what she means and he’s never been more scared of his own mother.  
  
“Yes, I promise mum,” Ashton says quickly.   
  
Anne lets go of Ashton, glaring at him with her eyes but smiling at Luke as she gives him a hug and sends them both off to school.   
  
Ashton keeps his gaze on the ground on the walk there, but it’s Luke who’s the first to speak up.  
  
“Ashton, I’m sorry about your mum—”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ashton says quickly.  
  
“Ash—”  
  
“Just shut up, Luke!! You obviously don’t care about me because you’ve been ignoring me this whole time, and you didn’t even defend me back there!! She loves you more than she loves me, and whatever you say goes! You could’ve told her to stop and she’d listen, but you didn’t, so just leave me alone! Don’t even talk or try to apologize because you can’t!” Ashton shouts, tears filling his eyes as starts to bolt. Ashton knows that was harsh, but he doesn’t care. He needed to get that off his chest and Luke needed to hear that.   
  
Ashton walks into the school sweaty and panting. Now that he thinks about it, he regrets leaving Luke behind. He probably got lost and had no other choice but to turn back and walk to Ashton’s house, to his mum and tell her that Ashton yelled at him and ran off.  
  
Ashton can just practically see his mum, her face formed into a hideous grimace, her eyes ablaze with fire and an inferno where her soul should be as she hits Ashton again and again with her words like daggers.  
  
And then Ashton sees Luke walk through the front doors of the school, and he relaxes. The nervous look on Luke’s face, though, makes Ashton nervous as well, and he quickly looks away.  
  
Ashton heads off to homeroom, leaving Luke looking incredibly lost and nervous in the middle of the lobby.   
  
Lunch period happens faster than Ashton expected it to come, and he heads off to the library as usual. Sitting with his supposed “friends” just leaves him feeling awkward and alone as they talk about things he has no idea about. So he chooses to be alone.  
  
Ashton buys a small snack from the vending machine in the library, and plops down into a chair, nibbling on his biscuit and thinking.  
  
His mind wanders multiple times to the blue eyed boy, but Ashton shoves those thoughts out of his mind, choosing not to think about him for fear of breaking down.   
  
He never anticipated that it would all lead down to this. Ashton at least thought they could become friends and Ashton wouldn’t end up feeling so lonely all the time, but he never knew Luke would be this _distant_.  
  
Ashton hears the squeak of the library double doors opening and closing, and he steals a glance at the entrance. He almost chokes when he sees Luke walk in.  
  
Luke doesn’t so much as glance at Ashton as he takes a seat in the far corner of the library. Luke has nothing with him to eat, and nothing to do, so he just slumps down in his seat and closes his eyes.  
  
Ashton decides not to cause a scene and ignore Luke completely.   
  
But when lunch ends, the blond boy still hasn’t awoken. Ashton bites his lip, contemplating interacting with the boy since this morning, but he needs to get to class. But he also just can’t leave Luke sitting there. Someone could come in here, especially the bigger kids, and bully him. Ashton has had experience with that.  
  
So he decides to be the better man and help Luke.  
  
“Hey, Luke,” Ashton says, nudging the boy slightly in the shoulder. “Luke.”   
  
He still doesn’t move.  
  
Ashton groans, being slightly more forceful with his hands. “ _Luke_ ,” Ashton snaps, worried about being late and getting a detention, and more than that, irritated. “Mate, wake up,” Ashton says, flicking Luke on the forehead as his last resort.  
  
Luke jolts awake, standing up quickly and knocking Ashton down. He backs up against one of the bookshelves, looking scared out of his mind. Ashton looks at him for a moment, thinking that this is exactly what happened the first day Ashton met Luke.   
  
“Were you having another nightmare?” Ashton asks quietly, not raising his voice too loud so as not to scare Luke.  
  
“What?” Luke snaps, glaring at Ashton despite his fearful eyes.  
  
“You got scared when I woke you. Were you having another nightmare like the time we met?” Ashton asks, standing to his feet and brushing himself off.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Luke—”  
  
“Stop it.”  
  
“Come on, I’m sorry about what happened this morning. I just want to help you.”  
  
“You can’t help me!” Luke shouts, lunging forward and shoving Ashton into a bookshelf. Ashton grunts, surprised by the skinny boy’s sudden strength. “You don’t get it, and you never will! I can’t get help, it won’t ever work, no one can help me, I’m a freaking disgrace to humanity and being around you all the time only makes me worse!!” Luke shouts, and suddenly Ashton’s head is slammed backward into the bookshelf, his left eye feeling like it was just stabbed and gouged out.  
  
“What the hell?!” Ashton shouts, slamming Luke backward and swinging at his jaw.  
  
Luke recovers quickly, ready to charge, when the library rounds the corner, alerted by the two boys shouts. She gasps, her expression a mixture of fear and anger.  
  
“What are you two doing?!” She whisper shouts. “Fighting is prohibited anywhere in this school!”  
  
Both boys stand opened mouthed, trying to think of a good excuse. Truth is, neither one of them has one.  
  
The librarian walks up to them, pointing at them with a shaking finger. “You lads are coming with me to the principle’s office.”  
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
“Ashton!! What the bloody hell were you thinking?! First of all, I can’t believe you got in a fist fight at school, and with nobody else but _Luke_!! And I told you to _behave_! Why are you so _stupid_ all the time?!”   
  
Ashton cringes at his mothers squealing voice. “I’m sorry, mum.”  
  
“Yeah right, you are,” Anne mutters under her breath, turning away from her son.  
  
Ashton fights the urge to scream back at her, tell her how much she’s neglected him since _Luke_ came around and demand that he leave. Luke has done nothing but absolutely _destroy_ Ashton’s life since Will rescued him (but of course, in the back of his mind, Ashton knows this is a complete and utter lie), and the older boy wants him gone.  
  
“Luke started it,” Ashton mutters, thinking he didn’t say it too loud for Anne to hear.  
  
He was wrong when Anne turned right around and struck him across the face so hard Ashton thought he was gonna faint from the force of the blow.  
  
“Go to your room, young man,” Anne says lowly, and Ashton knows it’s wise to listen to her. But of course, _Luke_ is up there in their now shared bedroom holding an icepack to his face, while Ashton’s is still black and blue around his eye. And now he has a red hand mark on his right cheek that’s starting to swell.  
  
Nonetheless, Ashton figures he can just disappear into the bathroom to bathe himself in his own blood and tears.   
  
(I almost cried writing that sentence^^, I kid you not)  
  
He bounds nimbly up the stairs to his bedroom, stomping past Luke without so much as acknowledging he exists, and goes into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it quickly. He opens the cabinet above the sink, fumbling around to look for the sharp piece of metal he keeps hidden. He finds it after five minutes of knocking things around and making them fall into the sink—his eyes are blurred with tears, he’s not blind mind you—he finally feels it between his fingers, and numb as he is, he drags it quickly across his skin, making it tear open and leak blood.  
  
He doesn’t feel the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have the right to want to kill me T_T


	5. Salt These Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke is pushed to his limit, and when he makes a mistake, Ashton is the only one there who can help him.

_Luke_ 's _POV:_

Luke heard Ashton’s sobs through the door, and he could feel sobs of his own bubbling up through his chest, waiting in his throat until he could let them go. But he never would. Luke just went downstairs and sat down in the couch, turning on the TV but not really watching. He vaguely remembers Anne sitting next to him on the couch, putting a gentle hand on his knee. He just wanted to shrink away from her, though. He heard her shouts, heard the smack of her hand against Ashton’s cheek when she hit him. He heard it all because he’d been eavesdropping, but he wishes he hadn’t now.   
  
Luke couldn’t help it. He dropped his head in his hands and started to cry. Anne was there, patting his shaking shoulders in an attempt to comfort him, and telling him how sorry she was for Ashton’s behavior. But Luke knew it was never Ashton’s fault in the first place. It was _Luke’s._  
  
He’d started that fight, he’d ignored Ashton and made him mad, he refused to eat even when Ashton _pleaded_ him to. _It was all Luke’s fault._  
  
And he must’ve said some of that aloud because Anne made some kind of soothing noise, saying, “No love, it was never your fault.”  
  
And that was when Luke had it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand seeing Ashton in so much pain just because of _him_ , and he couldn’t see Anne abuse her son anymore because Luke was there. He didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be _dead_ more than _ever_ now.  
  
Luke left.  
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
The night was cold, and at one point it started raining, but that only helped to wash Luke’s pain away and mask his tears. He stood against the side of a brick building, crying and wishing he had the courage to do something with himself, but he never had. He was a coward, and Luke knew that. He _hated_ himself because of that.  
  
Thunder covered up Luke’s strangled cry.  
  
His chest hurt so bad. Luke didn’t know what to do about it. It quite literally felt like someone has placed a 500 pound pile of bricks on Luke’s chest. He couldn’t breath right, and his whole world seem to be spinning out of control. He couldn’t walk in a straight line, and he was pretty sure that if he went back to Ashton’s that it would seem as if he got drunk.  
  
He wished he had the courage to get himself drunk.  
  
Luke sobs ripped through him like a knife, and he wished it was a knife. He covered his face in his hands, and they were cold as they covered his cheeks. He could feel the rain as it landed on the back of his neck and it gave him shivers, but he ignored it.The rain seeped through his clothes, drenching him from head to toe. It was like the cold has enveloped him, and now it was going into his skin and bones and Luke was shivering now.  
  
Luke wishes he were someplace safe, in a place where he could just be and not have to worry about anyone having to ruin that. He didn’t have to be afraid of his father anymore, or the bullies at school, or _Ashton._  
  
Luke sobbed louder, almost louder than the sound of the thunder, when that thought crossed his mind. He’d gotten in a _fight_ with Ashton, a _fist_ fight, and he’d _hit_ him. Luke felt ashamed. He felt ashamed that he’d gotten so mad at Ashton when really all he was trying to do was help, but Luke had pushed him away and now he had nobody.   
  
This shouldn’t have surprised Luke, because he never really had anybody to begin with, but it made Luke sad. He’d wanted to avoid this, he didn’t want to end up hurting Ashton, but he did it anyway in fear. He was _afraid_ , and there was no other way to describe it.   
  
And now Luke was crouching down in an alleyway, alone, cold, sad, and **empty.**  
  
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
Luke stumbled inside. Anne immediately rushes to his side, but he pushes her aside sharply, running as quickly as he can up the stairs. Ashton’s asleep as Luke slips quietly in, and Luke is grateful. He doesn’t think he can stand another minute of hearing the boy in the bathroom.   
  
But now it’s Luke’s turn.  
  
He doesn’t know what implores him to do what he did, the blade was still covered in Ashton’s blood from earlier. He doesn’t bother locking the door, he doesn’t care. He just reaches blindly for the silver object.  
  
Luke’s hand shakes as he holds it. He doesn’t want to do this, but at the same time he doesn’t see any other _option._ If Ashton can do it, so can Luke.  
  
It hurts. It stings. It makes Luke want to scream at the top of his lungs until they break. His heart is shattering into shards as he lets the blood spill, and it’s destroying him. The weight in his chest gets worse and worse until it suddenly isn’t there anymore.  
  
He keeps going, even though it hurts, but isn’t that the point? For it to hurt? He’s sure Anne will catch him when she checks his scratches, and she’ll see a pair of brand new ones, but he doesn’t care because this is making him feel better. It may be pain, but it feels _good_ , it makes him feel like he’s _flying_ , and Luke can’t _stop_ , until suddenly the blood can’t.  
  
He opens the cabinet above the sink, looking for bandages because he wants it to stop now because he’s feeling kinda lightheaded and the pain in his chest is back and now he feels _worse_ , and he wants it to be over, for the blood to stop bleeding.  
  
Luke finds the cabinet empty, and he starts to panic. He looks around the bathroom floor, noting how all the cabinet contents that were there before are scattered about the room. Luke bends down, picking things up and looking for the bandages but he can’t find them.  
  
And he must’ve been making quite a ruckus because he can hear the bathroom door swinging open behind him as he’s still searching for the bandages.   
  
“Luke, damnit! What the—” Ashton shouts, but stops when he sees the blood. “Oh God, Luke…”  
  
And then Ashton is kneeling down beside Luke, reaching for his wrist. “You need to stop, okay? These are bleeding enough, just calm down,” Ashton says calmly, despite the situation. Luke shouldn’t have been surprised, Ashton was the one who seemed to do the same thing on a daily basis, just he’s more of an expert. Luke supposes being an expert at this kind of thing would be considered bad.  
  
“I-I c-can’t,” Luke stutters, and though he tries, he can’t calm himself.  
  
Ashton sighs, walking over to behind the toilet. He comes back with the bandages. “I keep them hidden so mum doesn’t find them. Sorry.” Luke shakes his head, afraid to speak because he might get sick. Ashton crouches down beside Luke again, pulling some bandages out and reaching for Luke’s hand. “You need to calm down, that’s the first step to getting the blood to stop. If you freak out, your heart pumps blood faster, which causes the blood to flow.”  
  
“H-how do you k-know this?” Luke asks, sniffling and reaching up with his good arm to wipe his nose with his hand.  
  
“I’ve… I’ve had lots of experience with this, ok?” Ashton says, avoiding Luke’s eyes to focus on bandaging. “My mum is gonna be worried about the new bandages, but if you don’t want to tell her you can just lie and say you fell and your scratches opened.”  
  
“Why do I have to lie? Why can’t I tell her the truth?” Luke wonders out loud. Ashton’s eyes widen at Luke.  
  
“I-I don’t know. You don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable. My mum if very upfront about this kind of thing, y’know,” Ashton says.  
  
“Is that why you don’t tell her?” Luke asks, looking at Ashton with the blue eyes of his.  
  
Ashton’s brain blanks for a second before he stutters out, “Y-yeah that’s i-it.”  
  
Ashton continues to bandage Luke until he’s done. Then he doesn’t know whether he should get up and leave, or wait here with Luke.  
  
“Ashton?”  
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“I’m…really really sorry about what happened at the library. I-I didn’t mean to get angry, I just got scared,” Luke stammers, feeling and looking very awkward.  
  
Ashton struggles to find the right words to say to this. “Uh, y-yeah, I’m sorry, too. I guess I was kinda scared, too.” Ashton stops there, finishing with _I was scared for_ _you_ in his head.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Ashton’s eyes widen even larger, if that’s possible at this point. “Uh…”  
  
“Y’know, for being such a great, uhm, friend to me. I’ve been a bit of an arse, but really, I just want to thank you. For everything,” Luke says, looking at Ashton very intensely. A little bit too intensely.  
  
Ashton stands up then, beckoning for Luke to follow him back into the bedroom. “No problem,” he says.  
  
 _Very, very big problem._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucked and it was kinda rushed and I'm sorry :( I also almost cried a bunch of times


	6. These Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke tries to tell Ashton his secret, but he fails, and runs away instead. Ashton doesn't know what to do or how to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long, I'm sorry!!! I've had a really busy week and stuff, and I have a bunch of other stuff I'm writing along with this as well and I tend to only write when I'm inspired so sorry for the spread out updates :/

The next day at school was better for both of them, besides the fact that they both had after school detention for the rest of the week. Ashton and Luke sat together in the library during lunch period, though neither of them said anything to the other. Both of them were scared they would say the wrong thing.  
  
“Hey, you wanna walk with me over to the park after detention?” Ashton asks quietly. He knows that if he speaks any louder, his voice will crack more than he would ever want it to.  
  
Luke just feebly nods. He tosses the rest of his pack of biscuits in the garbage. Ashton does the same; he’s suddenly not very hungry anymore after asking that question.  
  
With nothing left to do, the two boys just sit in the library, waiting for the bell to ring, letting the silence fall heavy in between them.   
  
Then Luke decides to finally speak up. “Um, Ashton?”  
  
“Yeah, Luke?” Ashton says, looking at Luke. Luke shrinks back into his chair under Ashton’s gaze.  
  
“Um, can I, like, tell you, um, something?” Luke asks, looking with frightened eyes up at Ashton. Ashton can physically feel his expression soften.  
  
“Yeah, sure. You can tell me anything, mate,” Ashton says in a quiet voice, understanding how afraid Luke is at the moment.  
  
And then the bell rings. Luke shoots up out of his seat as fast as a bullet. “Sorry. Um, I’ll tell you at the park, yeah?” Luke blurts, and before Ashton has the chance to respond Luke is out the library doors.  
  
Ashton sighs. He’s honestly scared for Luke, and just wants the boy to _tell him already_. But if it makes Luke that scared, he knows he’s gonna have to give him some time. After everything, he knows that he’s gonna have to push his impatient attitude aside and think about what’s best for Luke.  
  
Nothing is really best for Luke at this point. It’s goddamn Morton’s Fork. Shit.  
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
Ashton sat behind Luke at detention, and he couldn’t help but notice how he kept frantically writing in his notebook, but then angrily flipping paper aside and rewriting it again. Ashton wondered what was upsetting Luke so much that he was trying to put down on paper.   
  
When they were let out, the boys went in the opposite direction of home, heading for the local park. Luke stayed walking a few feet behind Ashton, and Ashton couldn’t help but feel worried. He didn’t know what was making the blond boy act so strange, but Ashton figures it has something to do with what he was trying to tell Ashton at the library during lunch. Ashton bites his lip, hoping Luke will keep his promise and tell Ashton when they reach the park.  
  
What Ashton didn’t know is that the entire time in detention, Luke had been attempting to put the words he wanted to say on a piece of paper so he wouldn’t have to _say_ it. Just the thought of him being what he was made him want to vomit up what little he had in his stomach. That’s why he kept it empty all the time.  
  
Luke had tried in vain to get something that was relatively down into his notebook, so he could just rip it out and give it to Ashton and have him read, therefore giving Luke enough time to run away, but nothing came. He couldn’t make the words sound _right_ , and what he had written sounded absolutely ridiculous.   
  
So Luke opted for the easiest route: Just write one sentence and leave it at that. And though he knew it was pretty lame, he had no other way to go. Any other way he put it, it could’ve very well made Ashton more concerned for him than he liked.  
  
And now a full sheet of paper was shoved in his jacket pocket, with one measly sentence that explained everything as to why he is the way he is, and why he wish he was dead.   
  
Luke wanted to cry.   
  
                                                                                        ~~~  
  
They reached the park after about 5 minutes of walking. Ashton’s legs were tired— _he_ was tired—and he just wanted to flop down on one of the park benches and fall asleep right there.  
  
But he had the matter of Luke to stay awake for.   
  
Ashton lead them both over to a bench underneath the shade of a tree, keeping them safe from the November heat. He sat down on the uneven surface, sighing as he set his school stuff down in the grass. Luke takes his time walking over, and sits down a few feet away from Ashton.  
  
Ashton contemplates what he should say before he blurts out, “So what’s got your boxers in a knot?” Ashton mentally stabs himself.  
  
Luke looks down at the grass, his brow knitted together. He seems to be thinking of something to say, or something to do. Ashton waits patiently for an answer for a full 10 minutes when he notes that Luke’s breathing has quickened. Holy shit, Luke is having a panic attack.  
  
“Um, er, okay, okay, y-you don’t have to s-say it,” Ashton stutters, feeling like he’s about to have a panic attack now. Luke shakes his head, moving his hands up into his hair. Ashton can see him pulling on it. “ _Luke, I-I_ —” Ashton starts, but he stops abruptly when Luke stands.  
  
“No, no, _no_. I can’t, _I fucking can’t_ , Ashton,” Luke cries, and it surprises them both when his voice doesn’t crack into a thousand tiny little pieces.  
  
“You don’t have to—”  
  
“No, Ashton, you don’t get it. I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be me, I can’t exist, I don’t deserve to be here—”  
  
“You have every _r-right_ to be here,” Ashton says sharply, and he knows he shouldn’t have sounded as harsh as he did because Luke shrinks away when Ashton stands up, reaching for him. “You _d-deserve_ to be _alive_ just as much as the next person, Luke. _I promise_.”  
  
Luke’s breathing quickens up, and now both boys are full on panting. Luke backs up against the tree, his chest heaving up and down, and Ashton wishes he knew what to do, but he doesn’t want to scare Luke anymore than he already knows he is and therefore he can’t really do _anything_ without making the entire situation _worse._  
  
“ _No, no, no_ ,” Luke repeats, and it scares Ashton to **death.**  
  
And then Luke bolts, turning around and running. Ashton knows he doesn’t have any strength left to run after him, and he’d almost surely never catch up to the long legged boy anyhow.   
  
Ashton sees the little white note fall from Luke’s jacket pocket and flutter to the ground. Ashton falls to his knees, crawling over to where the note landed it.   
  
He’s afraid to open it, to find out what it says.  
  
So he starts to sob, gripping the note tightly in his hands, crumpling it up.  
  
It’s like one step forward three steps back with Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, just know writing this gave me severe heart ache and chest pains galore T_T


	7. Watching Like A Hawk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke runs away from Ashton, and finds himself subconsciously returning the place he was trying to escape from all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iT'S SO SHORT AND i'M SORRY i HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE i'M JUST A VERY BUSY PERSON PLS UNDERSTAND

Luke didn’t know where he was running, he just knew that he was running. He had to run. He didn’t know why, he just knew he had to.  
  
Luke had ended up where he started; On the run, lost, and alone with no one to help him or take care of him. And it was all his _fault._  
  
Luke stops running, his chest heaving. He couldn’t get enough air at one time, he kept gulping it down like he’d lived without it for 17 years. He leans against an old building, having no idea where he is or how long he ran. He doesn’t know if Ashton followed him or not.   
  
Luke reaches into his jacket pocket for the note and finds it gone. “ _Shit!!_ ” Luke shouts, not caring who hears. He has no idea if maybe the note fell out, or he gave it to Ashton or whatever. He can’t remember anything except that he had to run away. He had to get away from there, from Ashton. He’s on his own again.  
  
Luke is too numb with life to be able to cry or get angry at this moment. He just feels nothing as he sinks down to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest and sitting down, catching his breath and wondering, What happens to me now?  
  
Truth be told, he had no fucking clue what happens now, and that’s probably the scariest thing of all this. He doesn’t _know_ what’s going to happen to him.   
  
Luke finds his feet wandering as he thinks, and he doesn’t notice how he’s passing the general store he used to walk by all the time when he got away. And he also doesn’t notice how, as he goes deeper into the neighborhood that should be familiar to him if he were paying attention, how he’s passing houses of friends he used to visit before he isolated himself completely. He doesn’t notice how his feet wander up onto the street his fathers house is on until he starts walking up the driveway.  
  
Luke looks up at the house he used to call home before everything went wrong, his mouth hanging open in a silent scream as he sees the front door open Andrew steps out, looking like he would like nothing better than to choke his own son to death.  
  
“Come back again, huh?” Andrew sneers, nothing but pure, hard, cold, hatred in his eyes. Luke wants nothing more than for the ground to open up underneath him and swallow him whole. Luke gulps down bile as his father steps closer, grabbing Luke by his shirt collar and dragging him inside. “It was bad enough running away. You deserve to be punished, young man,” Andrew says, and if the context weren’t all wrong, it would sound almost like Luke had done something wrong, and Andrew was disciplining his child.   
  
But it was _way_ worse than disciplining.   
  
Luke’s father pushes him forward, and Luke falls into a nearby recliner, slumping down. Andrew walks into the kitchen returning with a beer in hand. He sits across from Luke in the worn down couch that smells like vomit and alcohol.  
  
“How ya been, faggot?” Luke flinches at the old insult.  
  
“Fine,” Luke answers quietly.  
  
“You look fatter,” Andrew says, surprisingly calm as he takes a swig of his beer.  
  
“I had to eat,” Luke says, looking away from his father’s gaze to look down at the dirty brown carpet.  
  
“You _had_ to, did you?” Andrew says, leaning forward towards Luke.  
  
“I couldn’t _not_ eat, Dad. He…He didn’t deserve that,” Luke says, biting his lip so hard he can taste blood as he looks up at his father. Andrew sneers down at him.  
  
“Who’s this _he?”_ Andrew asks. Luke flinches, afraid to answer, but he knows that if he doesn’t he’ll be treated even worse than he’s expecting.  
  
“Michael,” Luke says quickly, purposely choosing not to give away Ashton’s real name in order to protect him.  
  
“Is he your age?”   
  
Luke wonders if he should tell the truth this time. Andrew can tell when Luke’s lying pretty easy, not that Luke is good at hiding it. “No, he’s older.”  
  
“Hm. Interesting,” Andrew says, leaning even closer to Luke. Luke moves back, and this angers his father. “You will look me in the eye when we are talking!” Andrew snaps, lashing his hand out to grab Luke’s chin in a harsh manner. “I think you’re lying to me,” Andrew says quietly, looking directly into Luke’s scared, baby blue eyes. Luke fights to keep them with filling up with tears as he swallows down rising bile. Luke wants to throw up and run away, preferably the latter.  
  
Luke can’t help it; he’s just too afraid, “I’m sorry,” Luke whispers.  
  
“You piece of shit!! You little liar, don’t you dare try and make things up right to my face!!” Andrew screams, dragging Luke out of the chair and pushing him to the ground.   
  
Luke closes his eyes and gives in to the pain that’s sure to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the upcoming chapter...I really do T_T


	8. Tearing Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke tries to mend his broken soul, and contemplates his existence. 
> 
> Or: Luke cleans up the mess his dad made, and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for so long, I'm very sorry. My school took my laptop away that I wrote this work on, but I got a new one for my birthday, so I'll probably be updating more often now :D

He didn’t know what happened. He had a vague idea of where he was, but that was it. He was certainly frightened of the person picking him up off the floor by the collar of his shirt.

“Go clean up,” the figure barks, shoving Luke down a hallway and pushing him into the white tiled room. He heard the door slam behind him.

Luke was aware of the blood on his hands, and that it was his own. He had tried to press on the cut on his stomach to staunch the bleeding, but it has bled too much, and he had passed out. There was a handful of tissues and paper towels sticking to where the wound was, and he assumed it was Andrew trying to keep Luke from dying of blood loss. 

He pulled the tissues away, wincing as they pulled his skin slightly, and looked at the wound. It made his stomach churn, and he had to collect himself while kneeling in front of the toilet.

Blood leaked a little, but otherwise the wound had stopped bleeding. He didn’t know how long he’d been out cold, but he assumed it must’ve been a few hours for the bleeding to be already done. Thank God there had only been one this time, instead of many. 

Luke reaches for the cabinet hanging above the sink, searching around for a pack of bandages. When he finds that there aren’t any, he calms himself down so he doesn’t panic. He would go get Andrew, but after what they just went through, he highly doubts that would be a good idea. Besides, he’s probably busy getting drunk in his room in front of the television.

Luke sighs, going over to the toilet paper and wrapping a wad around his fingers. He taps on the faucet, getting a few drops of water on the paper. He cleans the area around the cut, pressing and dabbing now and then when he sees the blood start to flow.

There’s nothing to hold the paper to Luke’s side to make sure it doesn’t start bleeding again, so he just hopes that it doesn’t start again. 

He then starts to wash his face, wanting a shower but knowing it’s not great to start one right now with Andrew right down the hallway.

Once done in the bathroom, Luke slowly opens the door and tiptoes over to his bedroom, fighting the urge to vomit in the middle of the hallway (not that there was much in his stomach to vomit up anyway).

He steps onto the carpeting of his room, barely making it to the edge of his bed before he collapses, tears burning his eyes so bad he can’t even open them, just squeezing them shut and letting the fluid trickle out from the corners. He holds the sobs in, the urge to let them out burning his throat but he knows Andrew hates it when Luke cries. Luke has learned to hate it, too. 

Luke lifts his tee over his head, pressing it to his side as he lays on the bed, curling up into a ball and burying his face in his pillows, determined to fall asleep to get rid of the nightmare that is his existence.


End file.
